Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
