He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
