Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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