just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
