i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
