He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
