i think my mom watched the whole time
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
