halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
