Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
