Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
