does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
