Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
