I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
