And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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