I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
