Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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