i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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