I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
