i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
