I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
