I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
