I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
