the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
