I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
