so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
