Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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