Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
