Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
