Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
