he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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