i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
