I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
