She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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