That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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