yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
