You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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