Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
