Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
