First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
