I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
