So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
