dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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