my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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