It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
