names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
