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I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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