Cold hands, warm shart.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
