and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
