i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
