when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please, let me fuck your mom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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