Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
