I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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